Archive for the ‘My Life’ Category


I kept on postponing buying a laptop since last 3 years.

2006 1st half – I’m still in college, will buy one when I’ll start earning a salary

2006 2nd half – No money left after giving advance to landlord, setting up a livable rental accomodation and a couple of fligh trips

2007 1st half – Taxes, 80C investments sucked up all the money

2007 2nd half – Moved to Bangalore. Oh, that friend went to US – will ask him to bring a laptop with him when he comes back 2 months later. He was already bringing his own.

2008 1st half – will ask me CEO to receive the shipping and bring back. He was stuffed already. Anuway I can use my room mates’ laptop.

2008 2nd half – Ok, will check if someone is in US during Thanksgiving-Christams holidays. Discounts are pretty huge at that time.

2008 Dec – Huge discount from e-Zone – extremely good config in 33k plus, 2k cask back, one electric rice cooker and one flight ticket. Bought it without any hesitation. From Bangalore.

2009 Jan – Came to US. Couldn’t use the new laptop for even 2 weeks.

Procrastination never worked for me!


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On the wrong side of Law

Disclosure/Prologue: The below entry contains a lot Hindi. So, non-Hindi speaking folks can find it difficult to understand.

1107 hrs
Other side: Namaskar, Kalyan Banerjee ji bol rahe hain?
Me: Jee.
OS: Main Delhi TH Court ka munshi AR bol raha hun. Aapke khilaf aaj dopahar 2 baje is court mein Indian Penal Code ke tahat case dayar kiya ja raha hai.
Me (Fumbling): What the Fuck?
AR: Kya?
Me: Ji, matlab. Aisa kaise, maine kya kiya?
AR : Ji, main yeh to nahin bata sakta magar aap agar 2 baje ke pehle is court mein aa jayen to mamala tal sakta hai.
Me: Aaj? 2 baje ke pehle? Magar main to Bangalore mein hun.
AR: Oh ho. Phir to shayad court apko summon kare Tees Hazari Court dilli mein.
Me: Arre, magar case to bataiye.
AR: Janab, main to munshi hun. Mere paas kewal itni hi jaankari hai.

Try to imagine the scenario. You are working in office to meet an important deadline (couple this with the tension of another impending certification exam) and you get a call saying that 3 hours later you will be charged of some illegal activity and that too 2400 kms away.

Me: To phir main kisse baat karun?
AR: TH court ke advocate DK se baat karen. ( Then he gives the number. I’m not disclosing the number due to confidentiality reasons.)
Me: Jee shukriya AR saab.

1110 hrs:
Me: Namaste, DK ji bol rahe hain?
OS: Nahin woh abhi busy hain, aap thodi der mein baat karen.
5 minutes later
Me: Namaste. DK ji?
OS: Yes. Boliye.
Me: Mere paas court ke munshi AR-ji ka phone aaya thaa ki mere khilaf aaj 2 baje court mein mukadma dayar hone waal hai. Aap bata…
Dinkar: (Snapping midway) Aap mere assistant DB se baat karen. (Gives his phone number and puts down the phone)

In less that 15 minutes, my world seemed topsy-turvy. A few minutes earlier, my Diro was patting my back due to the CUSTOMER DELIGHT i procured in the earlier project. And now, I was on the verge of being the first person in my entire family tree to be on the wrong side of the court.


Me: Namaste, kya yeh DB ji bol rahe hai?
OS: Jee.
Me: blah blah blah..
DB: Haan. Apke khilaf Telecome Regulatory Authority of India aur BA ne mukadma kiya hai.

Now, at this point I understood everything. Never in my life I have been able to evade in evade-able financial transactions. The only instance when I did, at least I thought I did, failed. I didn’t pay BA’s bill when I shifted from A to B.

The rest part of the story is obvious. I paid the bill ASAP and let the Asst. of the advocate know the bill receipt number. I got a call from him 15 min later that the case will not go to the courts.
Moral of the story

  • Your past actions can come back and hit you. Anytime.
  • Pay your bills: phone, ration, dudh, grocery, credit card on time. If not on time, at least pay them before you are dragged to court.

I am now going to review my entire non-payment history and outstanding history in the next week. Warna pata nahin, kitni baar dilli court jana pade.


A worried friend of mine -J called me a few min back to know the situation. Now, he tried to show another angle of the story. Here’s it. The entire drama might be scripted and enacted by BA guys. Since they weren’t getting any payment from my side even after months, a little role-play on phone wouldn’t hurt them isn’t it?

Now when I tried to see the phone number of the first call from the so called Munshi of TH court, I see the number doesn’t start with 2 but with 3. A government body (Court I mean) using a private company’s network seems highly improbable. So, was the number of BA guys? I check back the broadband number at my earlier city and see that it starts with 4.

Can you solve the riddle?

P.S. Remember Rajesh Khanna’s line in Anand: ” Jeevan mein kuchh bada paane ki asha mein hum pal pal ki chhoti chhoti khushiyon ko bhul jaate hain.“. This drama is just another attempt to DRAMATIZE MY OWN LIFE. And again, its based on true story. The names of entities (characters, places and business entities) have been changed though.

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Time changeth the man. And so I hereby start documenting the changes in me every month. Here’s the data for July 2007. Read on.

1. Hairstyle
I undertook an audacious task last week of jotting down on how and why I changed my hairstyle and what were the repercussions. A week later I must confess, “I’m loving it“.

2. Breakfast everyday
Waking up half an hour earlier than you usually do had a certain demerit – you feel hungry. So, I have to eat. My typical breakfast these days include 2 bananas immediately followed by half a glass of milk and then a a bowl of cornflakes soaked in milk. For the ever-curious statistician in you here is a figure: The number of times I had breakfast in past 4 weeks actually surpasses the count in its previous 4 years !

3. Learned driving
Started taking Driving Lessons from a neighborhood Motor Training School. 15 days and 1200 (+100 Gurudakshina for the trainer) bucks later, I was an adept driver. But I’m still scared of few things – convergence of all traffic when I turn right after a green-signal at a red light (no pun intended); a rickshaw taking a sudden turn and coming perpendicular to me; a guy jumping on the street suddenly to cross the road.

4. Pranayam every morning
Breath-control exercises every morning for 15 minutes after attending a workshop on Yoga by Yogi-turned entrepreneur-turned Television’s favourite face Baba Ramdev. Mainly Anulom-Vilom and Kapal-Bhati.

5. Overcame chronic Onychophagia
Stopped my habit nail-biting, that is. I have this habit since forever. Look, its not my fault. When I was an infant, my pleasure center lied in my mouth. Don’t believe it? Then read Freudian Theory of Oral Fixation. I learnt that this habit leads to transfer of bacteria from my nails to my mouth. This explains my lean frame. This statement could be extrapolated to state that I will ‘inflate’ myself now. Just wait and watch me ‘grow’.


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Of Hairs and Haircuts

You are reading your Sunday morning newspapers (Yes plural. I read 3 of them in some Sundays) and you suddenly face certain situations – powercut, humidity, bad performance of the Indian Team in cricket test match against England and yes dandruff and receding hairline. The first two factors are enough to drive you crazy when you don’t have power backup and you live at NCR (No offenses Delhi, I accept that the situation in Kolkata is even worse). And the last two have been bothering you since the past few months. Particularly receding hairline, which reminds you of your entire paternal lineage where all the 35+ males are almost BALD. What would you do? I opted for a new haircut.

The Reason
Okay, none of the above led me to let my hair cut. I was actually momentarily driven by my roomie’s desire to look different and the long pending ‘awesome’ haircut. So, went to my Naai (Yes, I still believe that barber who charges Rs 30 per cut actually respects his profession far more than Rs 200 hair stylist).

The Options
Now that I decided to go for the cut, next task was to choose the style. Mohawks and Ronaldo-cut were strict no-no. Should I go for the legendary fishermen inspired Mullet, short in the front, top, and sides, but long in the back? Or, should I give green signal to Spikes? Or, the contemporary and less glossy Undercut?

Each of the options were tempting, to say the least. Mullet featured in Tom Sawyer’s adventures, inspired Beastie Boys to compose a song ‘Mullet Head’ in early 90s and is now even a part of the Oxford lexicon. Undercut inspired a movie on outsourcing (Though for reasons completely different than haircuts). Spikes remind me of a thrilling experience in Science City in Kolkata where a lady was made to stand inside a Van de Graff Generator and it made her hairs stand on their end. Standing hairs suggesting emanating knowledge from my brain, what an idea indeed. Google search returns Mullet – 4,070,000; Spikes – 14,300,00; Undercut – 5,520,000. Mullet was the least popular of the three and I was driven by the desire to be ‘different’, so settled for Mullet.

Then decided against it and wanted to give Induction Cut a try.

The Cut
Settling for the Induction Cut was tempting indeed, it being the shortest possible hairstyle without using a razor. It derives its name from the tradition that it is the first haircut that is given when male recruits are ‘Inducted’ into the armed Forces. Protagonists of several Hollywood War Movies sport it. It also has the distinction of being preferred by balding men, the predicament I fear. Nevertheless, my hair was ‘cut’.

The Result
Now my scalp sports only a very short stubble. It is feeling so neat and tidy all the time, and without the need for Gel. No issues of combing or the hairs being entangled. Moreover, I can literally ‘feel’ the breeze, with air entering from some parts and exiting from the rest, while on a bike or an Open-Air-Merc (Rickshaw. Yeah I know a post is pending on that). But the possibility of dust particles’ ability to kiss and stay on my scalp endangered my already balding scalp’s health and I bought a Cap. But this exposed me to new set of comments.

With the Cap on I get to hear – ‘Oye, Himesh look hunnh?’ (For the lesser mortals, Himesh symbolises The Art of Nasal Twang. He is the first Indian to perform at the Wembley Stadium in London. Watch him on 29th July in Koffee with Karan). Without the Cap, people mock – ‘Oye, looking Brad Pitt’. Gimme a break.

The Conclusion
I am feeling kind of relieved right now. Couple this with the freedom from trying to set my hair all the time and you can guess how ‘light’ am I feeling. Michael Diamond said – There’s nothing quite as bad as a bad haircut. Thankfully, I am saved of the predicament but will have to strive hard to shed off oh-so-you-are-trying-Himesh Reshammiya-look image.

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